Date:
February 23, 2026
Author:
Anastasia Fainberg
/
Founder & Managing Partner
The most important names in your plan aren’t on the cover page. They’re the names that show up when your family is tired, stressed, grieving, or just trying to do the next right thing.
And in Denver, I see it all the time: people have the documents… but they freeze when it’s time to choose the people.
If you’re a parent, you’ve probably had this quiet thought at least once: “If something happened to me… who would actually step in?”
Not who loves my kids. Not who means well. Who would truly be able to handle it, calmly, consistently, and without turning it into a family referendum.
This article will walk you through how Denver families can choose an executor, trustee, guardian, and power-of-attorney agents in a way that reduces conflict and protects your kids, your money, and your intentions.
Why This Problem Exists and Why It Matters in Estate Planning
In Colorado, documents don’t do the work by themselves. People do.
And families don’t struggle because they “didn’t love each other enough.” They struggle because responsibility gets assigned without clarity.
Here’s why this matters so much in Denver: Denver is a city of real estate, blended families, and busy lives. Many families have equity tied up in a home, other families have jobs that require travel or irregular hours, some families have parents who live outside Colorado, and then there are families that have kids in multiple schools, sports, and schedules.
Even the basics show how much is at stake: per the Census Bureau, in Denver, the owner-occupied housing rate is 49.1% and the median value of owner-occupied homes is $586,700 (2019–2023).
That’s a lot of responsibility to hand someone without thinking through what the job actually is. The role titles sound simple. The real-life logistics aren’t.
The “right” choice is often the person who can show up. The “expected” choice is often the person who creates friction.
Backups matter more than people realize. Co-fiduciaries can either stabilize a plan… or quietly break it.
Pro Tip: Before you meet a will attorney in Denver, write down your top 2 choices (and 1 backup) for guardian, trustee, and personal representative, and next to each name, answer three questions: Can they say “no” to family pressure? Do they have the time and emotional steadiness for this job? Would I trust them to follow my instructions even if someone disagrees?
Case Study: Maya - Two Kids, One Move, and One Hard Conversation
Maya is a Denver mom with two kids in elementary school. Her husband’s family is in Colorado Springs, her sister is in Seattle, her closest friend is in Wash Park, steady, organized, and already in their day-to-day life.
On paper, Maya thought the “correct” answer was obvious: her sister should be guardian, because she’s family. But when we slowed down and talked through real life, a few things became clear.
Seattle meant flights, school transfers, and distance from everyone her kids knew. Her sister also had a demanding job and two teens of her own. And Maya realized she didn’t want her kids’ entire world to change in the same moment they lost a parent.
Maya ultimately chose a guardian in Denver (her trusted friend), and a financial trustee outside the day-to-day (her sister), with clear backups for both.
It wasn’t about “ranking” love. It was about assigning the right job to the right person, so her kids wouldn’t be raised inside a tug-of-war.
Executor vs. Trustee vs. Guardian: A Simple Side-by-Side
Most conflict happens because families assume these roles are interchangeable. They’re not. Here’s the plain-English view I give clients as an estate planning attorney:
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is a plan that functions when real life shows up.
The Quiet Cost of Uncertainty in Colorado Estate Planning
Choosing people is hard because it’s never just legal. It touches loyalty, family hierarchy, old dynamics that everyone pretends aren’t there.
As a mom and a daughter, I get it. Most of us don’t want to “hurt someone’s feelings.” We want to believe our family will figure it out.
But uncertainty is not neutral.
Uncertainty is what creates the group text thread nobody wants, what forces people to guess what you would have wanted, it is what invites resentment into a moment that already hurts.
Key Colorado Fiduciary Concepts and What They Mean in Real Life
- Personal representative (executor): The person who handles your estate process after death. If you choose someone disorganized or unavailable, simple tasks can take longer and stress everyone out.
- Trustee: The person who follows the rules you wrote for your trust. If the trustee can’t hold boundaries, your kids’ inheritance can become a negotiation instead of a plan.
- Guardian: The person who raises your minor children if you’re not able to. If you choose based on obligation instead of ability, your child may feel like a “problem to manage” instead of a person to protect.
- Agent under a durable power of attorney: The person who can act for you financially during incapacity. If the wrong person is chosen, bills can go unpaid, accounts can be mishandled, and family trust can fracture quickly.
- Medical decision-maker (healthcare proxy): The person who speaks for you medically if you can’t. If that person freezes under pressure, your wishes may not be clearly advocated in the moments that count.
- Co-fiduciaries: Two people sharing one role (co-trustees or co-executors). If they don’t cooperate well, your plan can slow down and turn into a stalemate, especially across states.
The Reality: Your Plan Works Only If the People Can Carry It
A legally valid plan can still function poorly if the human choices don’t match the job. Here’s the bottom line I tell Denver families: your documents set the rules, but your fiduciaries make the rules real.
Default thinking vs. intentional planning often looks like this:
Common Misconceptions / Myths About Estate Planning and Fiduciary Roles
Myth #1: “The guardian and trustee should always be the same person.”
Sometimes that works, but often it overloads one person. Separating “raising the kids” from “managing the money” can reduce pressure and reduce accusations.
Myth #2: “The oldest child is the obvious executor.”
Age doesn’t equal skill. The best personal representative is usually the most organized, responsive, and steady, especially when paperwork piles up.
Myth #3: “Co-executors are the ‘fair’ solution.”
Fair can be functional… or it can be a deadlock. If two people avoid conflict, disagree on money, or live in different time zones, co-fiduciaries can slow everything down.
Myth #4: “If I name a guardian, that’s guaranteed.”
Estate planning in Colorado must anticipate this: courts consider a parent’s wishes seriously, but guardianship decisions can still involve legal standards and real-world facts. The stronger your plan, the clearer your intent becomes.
Myth #5: “I don’t need backups because my first choice will obviously do it.”
Life changes. People move. Health changes. Relationships change. Backups are not pessimism, they’re how you keep your plan stable.
Why This Really Matters
When you name fiduciaries, you’re not just assigning tasks, you’re protecting your kids from adult conflict. You’re protecting your spouse from being second-guessed. You’re protecting your family from the emotional cost of “I think this is what she wanted.”
As I often tell families, it’s not about money. It’s about the people you love. And the people you love deserve a plan that doesn’t collapse under pressure.
How to Start
Start simple. Start calm. Start setting up a trust with what’s real.
- List the roles you actually need: guardian, trustee, personal representative, financial agent, medical agent.
- Write down what the job requires in your family (time, location, temperament, boundaries).
- Choose one primary and at least one backup for each role.
- Decide whether any role should be shared, or whether one clear decision-maker is healthier.
- Plan for compensation and time: some fiduciaries may need reimbursement or reasonable pay, and that should be addressed clearly.
- Have the conversation before the documents are signed, using a tone of trust, not permission-seeking.
And then build it into a plan you can keep updated through estate planning services such as our Client Care Program and the LIFT approach.
FAQs for Denver Families Choosing Executors, Trustees, and Guardians
1) What’s the difference between an executor and a trustee in Colorado?
An executor (personal representative) handles wrap-up tasks after death, often through the probate process. A trustee manages assets inside a trust according to your instructions, often with more privacy and ongoing structure.
2) Do I need a trust to name a trustee?
A trustee is connected to a trust. If you only have a will, you typically name an executor (personal representative). Many Denver families use trusts for control, privacy, and smoother transitions, but any trust attorney will tell you this: it depends on your goals.
3) Can I name someone who lives out of state?
Often yes, but practicality matters. Out-of-state fiduciaries may face travel, time delays, and coordination issues, especially if real estate or in-person tasks are involved.
4) Should I tell the people I’m naming?
In most cases, yes. Surprises create stress. A calm, respectful conversation gives your chosen person a chance to say yes with eyes open, or to decline before it becomes a crisis.
5) What if I don’t think anyone in my family can do this well?
That’s more common than people admit. Some families use a professional or corporate fiduciary for certain roles (often trustee) while keeping guardianship personal. It’s worth discussing options based on your family dynamics.
6) Should my spouse and I pick the same guardian and the same trustee?
Usually you want alignment, yes. But it’s okay to separate roles: a guardian who is great with day-to-day parenting may not be the best long-term money manager.
7) What happens if my named fiduciary can’t serve later?
That’s exactly why backups matter. If you don’t name alternates, your family may have to involve the court or negotiate under stress.
8) Do fiduciaries get paid in Colorado?
Sometimes they can be entitled to reasonable compensation or reimbursement, depending on the role and what your documents say. Clear instructions reduce resentment and confusion.
9) I own a small business, does that change who I should choose?
It can. If your estate includes business operations, your fiduciary may need stronger financial skills, the ability to coordinate with your CPA, and enough backbone to make decisions without getting pulled into family politics.
Closing Reflection
If you take nothing else from this, take this: choosing fiduciaries is not a formality. It’s you building a bridge for your family, so they can cross a hard moment with less confusion, less conflict, and more dignity.
Don’t leave your family’s future to chance. Schedule your consultation with Legacy Law Group Colorado today and take the first step toward peace of mind.
